The Greatest Nigerian Scam Letter Ever.
Like everyone else, I’ve received my share of scam emails from Nigeria. The emails generally run along the lines of: “We have a ridiculous amount of money owed to you by a blah-blah-blah Nigerian prince, and we need you to send us blah-blah-blah funds in order to release such funds”. Basically, the usual stuff that snares the occasional naive old lady from South Dakota. However, this letter takes the cake, in terms of effort and stylistic genius. In this instance, I was contacted Robert Mueller III- yes, that Robert Mueller III. The head of the FBI!
Mr. Mueller III sent the letter from robertmueller401@hotmail.com. This matter is of such grave and top-secret importance that a Hotmail address needed to be used, rather than fbi.gov. Mr. Mueller III, everyone uses Gmail now. Otherwise, this letter is TOTALLY CREDIBLE. I am honored to be contacted personally by you. Here’s the letter:
The letter is on FBI letterhead. Mr. Mueller III also took the trouble to add the letterhead for the “Economic and Financial Crimes Commission” in Lagos, Nigeria. Here is where the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission is located:
In Lagos, you can solve a crime AND fill your gas tank. How efficient, Nigerian government!
What separates this letter from your average, run-of-the mill Nigerian prince scam is its blatant attempt to scare the receiver into sending funds. The letter is hard to read on this blog, so I’ll summarize: If I do not send funds, I will face a “legal battle with security operatives”. Security operatives are generally agents of a secret police force for a totalitarian country- the KGB, Stasi, etc. They show up in the middle of the night and take you away to a gulag (or worse), never to be seen again. And we all know that the U.S. is famous for this! Furthermore, I had no idea such security operatives possessed legal skills, too. Double threat!
Mr. Mueller the third follows this threat with: “Failure to provide the above requirement in the next 24 hours, legal action will be taken immediately by arresting you and detaining you as soon as international justice issues a warrant of arrest…” That is a chilling threat. If I do not send $250, I will not only face legal problems with security operatives, I will be prosecuted in an international court of law. The same court of law that prosecuted war criminal Slobodan Milosevic!
The letter is CC’d to many other instruments of justice, most of which only existed in the first part of the 20th century.
What should I do, guys?
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